I guess it's that time of year.
Where people actually stop and think.
...I suppose it's that time of year...

January

I can't remember much. I was living at Brent's house, and it was a very slow time. Me and Thomas had started out the year in New York; Best Spontaneous Trip I ever took...er...only one for that matter. If all goes well, who knows, I may do it again this New Years.

Another spontaneous happening in January was when I sat in on an all-girls-bible-study at Barnes&Noble. In short, you could say that this was the starting point of me coming back to God, but in a completely different way. I never really left, though I did make a few mistakes in the latter months of 2006, but it wasn't like I pushed him out of my life or anything, I just tried to do things my way...we all know how that works.

I ended up being haunted by these decisions...regretting a lot of things. I guess I started to get back on track here...decided I need to live the way I used to.

February

I really didn't know what to say about February, cause I really don't recall anything special, so I looked at the blogs to figure out what happened in that month; what I wrote about. I'm doing this for all the months, by the way, but I'm trying to remember as I go along, first, before I refer to the older stuff.

When I say, I looked at them...just imagine a quick scan through...k?

First impressions are thus: I talked a lot about Love and Girls.

Not so much...but it was predominent. I guess it seems...I dunno what the word I'm looking for is...but it makes sense right? I mean...it is February...and I didn't have a valentine.

But that's gay.

I searched for God more.

...I searched for God...more.

March

Me and Thomas signed the Lease for our apartment this month.

No...that's not true.

We told them we were getting it...of course...we didn't sign the lease till next month, but at least we found the place this month. It took a whole year for me to get my own place, and I couldn't have been more happy that it was with my Best Friend.

Looking back, you can see that 300 & Relient K's "Five Score and Seven Years Ago" came out this month. Both have nothing to do with each other, but in a sense you can kinda make out that I was getting back to my regular life.

Movies and Music.

Also...

Friendship.

When you have nothing else, at least there's always a select few you can always fall back on. They are the most important, and I've always known that. It's not always easy representing that importance, but all the while it was important.

We were also going to Faith Alive church for about 2 months at this point, but our involvement actually didn't go very far even though we attended until October. I was going to make it a point NOT to jump ahead to future months, but I want this to be the last time I mention the church. It's not that I didn't like the church...and who knows...I might find a chance to go back again...maybe.

It's just that, though I tried to find opportunities to bring me somewhere...a new level, it just didn't happen there. We attended, I got my roots back, and I met a good couple of people that I love being friends with, and I hope I can still be friends with them.

I guess it was just a time for me to focus on getting back to God...remembering that there are churches out there that need a good word and there are kids out there that need a purpose. It's all very important, in the long run, but that long run will not be mentioned in this blog.

I love you Faith Alive, thanks for bringing me back to where I belong.

April

This month was the month for a lot of disasters.

Thomas' car caught on Fire.

Dominoe effect to where we almost couldn't pay rent (remember the Marasigan/Henderson Fund anyone?) I really appreciate those that helped, and if you ever need anything...

Also, I found out I had seasonal asthma. I mean...it was fixed...but really...I hate having limitations. For the most part it doesn't effect me, and I assume this will be a one time thing, so we won't worry about it.

I was living with Matt Johnson because of Easter...Brent's Brothers were visiting...and it was a really peaceful time for me. No matter how crazy it can get at that house, I always feel at home there. There's no words to describe how much I appreciate every member of that family, and Matt, if you ever read this, I still consider you a brother and one of my best friends, and I hope that never changes.

We moved into the apartment.

We had nothing.

...

oh...to start over new.

I had some good friendships this month.

I enjoyed it too much.

May

Long time coming. It was the first time I visited Home in over a year.

The first time I saw Danielle again.

That trip home, I had gave it a theme song..."Don't ask me."

Things had changed a lot since I'd been home.

I grew up...maybe

I learned...definitely

My sister was graduating, and she was starting a new life.

Here I was...whithering away with my life.

Jesus...I didn't want to answer any questions.

I wanted to go home...yes...but what do I say when people ask what I've been doing?

What's been happening?

Where have you been?

Sure, I have a lot of distractions that can get around the dissapointing factors...but they still didn't make things disappear.

I went home, and found out, that I needed to become myself again.

I met people, that helped me do this...helped me get out of my rut.

Thank you Krista, Thank you David, Thank you Tory, Thank you Roberta.

June

More girl complications?

Also, I learned to appreciate my own company around this time. I had to stop relying on other people for acceptance...or for that matter...for a good time. I love my friends, and I will drop anything if it means spending ten minutes with them, but I had to stop trying so hard.

I have a life that I want, and I know what I want, but my friends won't get me there...only I can do that.

Sometimes you have to go it alone...and sometimes you will be alone even when there's no reason. Those are the times to think...and those are the times to contemplate...and those are the times to say...

"I'm going to get there...someday."

These months, I was just trying to get by.

July

I had to look back for this month too...and WOW, what a month.

A lot of angst came out at this point.

It might be safe to mention, that I was going to WAVE again on Sunday nights, just getting some good worship in, and finding that one word that God needed for me.

I scanned, and saw mention of Steven. He went off to sea around this time, and man was it a good time with him around. Though I had a lot of things going on at this time, a lot of frustrations that were probably building up over the months, I never expected him to be the friend I got.

Let me explain...

Me and Steven are natural rivals. We compete with each other...all the time. We know this...oh...we know this. When I found out he went away from God, though, we didn't argue about it...in fact...we got a long great despite it. I don't understand it much, but somewhere along the way, we accepted each other as brothers, and we didn't fight when we competed...instead we built each other up.

It was the kind've relationship I was looking for, and it's a shame he had to leave...I hope to find it again when he gets back.

And no...that's not gay.

August/September

Among other things these months, this was the time where I really started to search for God. It was a time that I tried to determine what I believed, in order to better represent myself and the God I want to preach to people. If I'm going to touch lives, I have to know exactly what I'm talking about.

By the way, I put these two months together because there are no blogs for September, and since there's only one thing I HAVE to remember, I won't waste time trying to figure out what happened.

This was a time where I knew...more than ever...that I wanted to do something with my life. Though I wouldn't mention it till October, I picked up Velvet Elvis by Pastor Rob Bell. He helped me define what it was I believed, and helped really determine what my Faith was. I remember vividly picking up an issue of Relevant, and though I was going to keep it, I lost it, but there was an article that questioned a bunch of different pastors on beliefs today and the new generation. Rob Bell was one of those pastors, and it would be the first time I heard of him.

Coincidentally, I disagreed with 5 out of 7 pastors.

can you guess who one of the two it was that I DID agree with...every single word.

Other things this month. September 2nd...the day me and Andrea Beth decided to work on a relationship after talking for almost an entire month. Without writing out all the details (that will come in a book someday...I imagine), when I first started talking to here, the first time in years (we met three years ago when I was first going out with Danielle, and kept in touch...barely...since then.) she was the shyest person I could think of.

I actually had to do all the talking.

I know...hard for me...right?

But I found out the more I talked to her, the more things made sense...the more I wanted to challenge myself...the more I wanted to put my plans into action.

Also, the more I denied my crush on Zac Efron. (inside joke guys...don't take that literal)

A lot came together these months...and I'm proud of that.

October

Speaking of new things...also my computer died...again forcing the hand of my eventual IMac splurge. This is an investment that was worth the money, because it will help me out with my plans in the long run.

Also, Steven Willis and Brent were living with us, putting 4 people in a two bedroom apartment. This is going to be like the church thing earlier, but I'll make this quick.

Steven moves out in November.

Brent moves out in December.

Both unexpected, but there's no hard feelings against that, and I don't want to go into details about it either. Let me just say, though I am still friends with them, that I still wish I knew whether or not their decisions hinged on the person I was. I know we didn't see much of each other while they were living there, but when they moved out I almost felt like I had done something wrong...like I wasn't being a good friend.

In the end...I don't think that is true at all.

I wish them the best in what they do, but I don't think it will be the same as it was before hand.

November

This, of course, is more fresh in my mind, but still I don't recall anything special happening. For most of the month I was in Florida, so there's not much to say about that.

But I guess you could say that I started thinking about Friendship a lot.

I had, kinda, caught up on my relationship with God, but there's still work to do on that aspect, but there's still a month left yeah?

Back to friendship, or more specifically, true friendship. I found myself thinking about where I was with my friends, and how things were working out. I almost started to think that I was losing all my friends, which eventually become proven Not True...thank God, but none-the-less I still thought about it.

I found out I wasn't happy at my apartment, and that's not a good place to be unhappy...considering I can't leave because of my lease. Either way, things had to change, and I know I prayed about this once or twice...

God did answer, and we'll just move on to the end to avoid spoilers.

December

It's not over yet, but I still feel like I can write enough here and not leave anything out come the end of the year. Besides, I can always write more...plus there is a newsletter I have to put together.

Thomas is gone to Texas, so I know this is a good time of reflection for both of us...one that we will both come back renewed after such a long year of frustrations.

In the midst of this month, I found myself working closely with the Drama department at Tallwood again.

Godspell this year.

It was a great time for me, and convenient that at the same time I was losing some old friends, I was gaining new ones. Setting aside the fact that all these people are in high school, I'll quote a fortune I got yesterday out of a cookie:

"New people are entering your life, bringing along new concepts."

This month is a time for reflection, but for me it's been a time to finally start.

I found myself thinking, though I love working with youth with all my heart, that I needed to quit kidding myself and grow up.

That was the initial thought...that I needed older (age wise) friends...or that I needed to stop visiting the high school.

I've come to terms that this wasn't the true thought...and that, in reality, I just had to DO something with my life. I don't mind hanging out with young people, and though it's true I need to stop making friends that seem to keep getting younger...

I decided, that as long as I start making something of my life from this point on, then it won't matter.

It was at the point where I almost had nothing to do with my life, that I had to go to every single show of Godspell. I loved it...yes...but what am I doing with my life when I'm not there.

This time of reflection was convenient.

It seems perfect, but I hope it's not just a hype and I hope I don't stumble again.

Meeting these new friends...gaining trust in older ones and finding out who those true friends are...it's all been a good thing for me. In two days I'll be flying home to see family and friends again...and for the first time in a long time...Andrea.

This time, I don't want it to be a "Don't ask me" experience.

This time...it's going to be a "I wish you could join me" one.