Here's another good way to identify the Douchebag's among you, a simple action that I've come to dub, the Sunglasses Flip.
This action can be achieved in three easy steps, but first, there is the preparation. To start off this action, the potential douche will, first off, has his sunglasses placed precariously on top of his head. Now, in order to reserve judgement, I will not assume that everyone with sunglasses resting on top of their head are douchebags; instead, we will address the manner in which these UV protecting devices transition from the Head to the Bridge of the Nose.
First Step: Smooth Move
Bringing both of their hands up to either side of the Sunglasses, they will inherently extend either their index fingers or their middle fingers; it doesn't matter which one, but just know that it will be both fingers. Using a simple, but effective, sweeping motion, they will bring those two fingers down upon the glasses; causing it to inadvertently drop down to the bridge of the nose.
Contrary to popular belief, this is actually the hardest of the three steps. Getting it right takes good amount of arduous and rigorous training. Without this step, the next two cannot fall into place.
Second Step: At Gun Point
If I could choose one word to describe how this step should be carried out, it would be: Fluidity. This is because the action must be taken immediately after sweeping the Sunglasses off of your head. Whereas the first step demonstrates proper technique, this one demonstrates proper timing.
Once the first step is done, it is up to the Douche-at-hand to bring both of his arms back out in front of him, almost in perfect UNISON with the Sunglasses in range AND in motion. Using these two hands as a "gesture", he will stick both thumbs straight up into the air, and make a half fist with his Middle, Ring, and Pinky fingers. At first glance, this might seem like a simple "Thumbs Up" move, ala Arthur Fonzerelli, but listen closely: There is a kicker.
What you are actually witnessing is what we like to call the "Stick em' up" move, indicated by the action the two index fingers are taking. Notice that they will be pointing straight forward, and not only that, but they will most likely be pointing directly at you...yes...YOU!
Why is he pointing at you?
This is simple. Because you are simply not as cool as he obviously is, as indicated by step one. Can you pull that move off? Of course not, you haven't been training like he has, and who knows how long it took HIM to get it.
Is this derogatory? NO! He is merely pointing out once-and-for-all (or yet again) that he IS the man, and YOU...ARE...NOT!
Step Three: Here's Looking At You, Kid.
Topping that, my friends, has been deemed by scientists as impossible, but these douches, however, have figured out a way to do just that. This is what we call the icing on the cake, and is where our Douchebag gets to show his Creative Side. I say this because there is no right or wrong way to pull off this step; instead, this one is all about making the Sunglasses Flip your very own, patented and all, so that everyone will know just who you are.
It's all about character, and we all love character.
For this one, the observer will have to bring his/her attention away from the hands, and up to the face, where you will notice, that while you were distracted by quick hand motions...maybe even feared for your life...or all at once began to reassess your future plans...those Sunglasses have miraculously made it from the Top of his head to the bridge of his knows, where you will undoubtedly have no more eye contact with said individual. This leaves your eyes to, instead, veer towards the only other means of expression one could offer, and it comes in many forms.
1. Raising of the eyebrows. One Eyebrow, or both eyebrows, it doesn't matter, but they are most likely raised.
2. The Cocky Half Smile, also known as the "Smirk".
or
3. The "NCH-NCH" sound that will escape from said corners of his mouth. (See Also: Dolphins.)
Whether he implements one, or all three, is impossible to determine until the moment has already passed.
Please take note, that some form of dialogue, usually in the form of a farewell, will follow. If any of this dialogue includes the words: "Baby", "Later", "Catch ya", "Flipside", "Bro", "Keep it", or even "It's been real." Then these are all positive signs that you have a Potential Douchebag on your hands. If any words uttered are in a different language that is NOT the speakers native language, then there is no debate.
He IS a douchebag.
If, however, you do question the actioneers motives, then keep a mental (or even handwritten) note for yourself indicating the date and time of said action; labeling it "Potential Douchebag" at the top, and be on the lookout for other Douchebag Actions that will further indicate in your quest to find out of this guy is really capable of Douchebag material. Who knows? It might be a fluke, but in years of testing out these theories, I would have to deem that quite improbable.
For more, Please refer to: How to Know You Are Dating a Douchebag.
Mattias is an actor, writer, filmmaker, and editor currently living in Los Angeles, CA. He often writes about his observations about life, the human condition, spirituality, and relationships. He also enjoys writing about movies, pop culture, formula one, and current events. Often these writings are 'initial thoughts' and un-edited, as authentic as possible, and should be considered opinions. If you're interested in commenting on his work, or continuing the conversation, you should consider following him on Twitter or share an article on social media, where he would love to engage even further. Consider subscribing via RSS for more.