So when I was at home, my brother and sister got along with life just fine.My mom would yell at me, and the majority of the blame always went to me.
I was always the one that screwed up the family.I was the one that was ruining everything for everyone, including my brother and sister.
Well now I'm gone.And they have to take everything.
Everytime they talk about it, I feel like I should never have left.I should've just stayed at home, miserable so that they wouldn't have to be, because I can take it and they can't seem to.
Yes, it feels like they can't seem to take it because I always have to hear about it. "you know how she is matt."
Ya, but I didn't cry about it. I went off with my friends, and never worried about family.
Now I'm not allowed to care about my brother and sister and mother fighting, because then they don't want me involved.They shun me out and pretend like I've changed.
When, in reality, because I was never home or around them that often, they never knew who I was in the first place.
I've helped alot of people when they've come to me and I figure they've thought about suicide.
So much, that I don't want to hear the words come out of my brother or sister's mouth. They are stronger than that, and they know better.
So forgive me if I get mad at you for even thinking it. Whether you are smart enough to get rid of those thoughts or not.Even my mother has told me she's thought the same thing.
Now tell me that doesn't mess with a son's head when he hears that.From every one of his family.Maybe I should've stayed, then only one of use would be thinking about suicide. I'll take the scars, I don't care how it makes me look.
Just don't tell me I'm not trying to help you.By getting it through your head.
Mattias is an actor, writer, filmmaker, and editor currently living in Los Angeles, CA. He often writes about his observations about life, the human condition, spirituality, and relationships. He also enjoys writing about movies, pop culture, formula one, and current events. Often these writings are 'initial thoughts' and un-edited, as authentic as possible, and should be considered opinions. If you're interested in commenting on his work, or continuing the conversation, you should consider following him on Twitter or share an article on social media, where he would love to engage even further. Consider subscribing via RSS for more.