So, I feel like I’ve ticked off a lot of people recently.

(I hate people who start of blogs like that.)

Why do I tell you this?
Because…I feel…compelled to.

Almost as if I’m admitting to myself that I’ve done something wrong. It’s so that those people who are ticked off at me notice that I realize the mistake I’ve made.

But not really…because they probably won’t read this anyway.

I think I’ve pretty much lost contact with all those people at home…Angleton to be more specific.

Mostly I’ve just stopped calling people.
And I blame myself because I’m the one that left “Home,” and I’m the one that said “I’ll keep in touch.”
I stopped doing a monthly newsletter because I couldn’t find the best way to do it…make it interesting.
I broke up with my girlfriend so now I don’t talk to anyone from the church for fear of hearing about her or just dwelling on her as the thought passes my mind.
Everyone else I just never find a reason to call.
Catching up is never fun…but calling because I like to talk to you is.
But it’s just never the best time.

I guess now would be a good time to update a little about what’s going on in my life.

CHURCH::

Has been going good. It has been a long time since I have added this section into my writings.

Me and Thomas are known as the two guys that “look like fun” to both the old crowd and the modern crowd. There’s a lot of people that just want to get to know us…and that’s really cool.

We’re working on trying to get into the ministry by taking the introductory course called “Caleb’s Core.” It’s the only way to get involved and so we have to do it. 4 weeks won’t be that bad though.

Even though me and him haven’t finished, we’re getting started on the drama team and getting invited to various events.

I’ve been told to talk to the Youth Pastor about getting me and Thomas on stage or behind the sound booth. Even talking to him about this “convention” he wants to do and how we can be involved or help out.

I suppose it would be good to let him know where we stand, and he can use us in any way possible.

It’s all seemed so easy, and surely we’re going to be established members in no time.

There’s so many opportunities open to us now…I can’t even describe how thankful I am that God placed me here.

I don’t know what his plan is…but so far I see it working…and I see good things happening in the near future.

COMIC::

For those that don’t know…I have been wanting to start a comic.

It’ll follow the life of me and Thomas, and will include various characters that we meet along the way both at home and currently.

Mostly it won’t involve any sort’ve plot, but instead be random one page situations that are basically pulled from real life experiences in mine and/or his life.
It’s a better way for people to keep involved in my life, and will help everyone stay updated.

Now, as far as starting it, I just have to get the central style and concept down before I can start managing it.

But one thing I have a problem with, is how I will be represented.

Most artists who do webcomics based on them draw their character very similar to how they look in real life.
My dilemma is, that my style changes a lot from time to time.
For instance:
Back at home I used to wear hats all the time, and I sported the long hair that is naturally curly or wavy and often frizzy and unkept.

I would tend to straighten it once in a while, leaving it like that for months because, in all reality, I like straight hair better.

Recently I’ve joined the Military (ya…no news there.) and have been forced to keep my hair short. This will stay for another 3 years.

Since this is not voluntarily how I want to have my hair (though I don’t mind it…it gives me a chance to try short styles as allowed with my hair length.) then I don’t think I should have to draw my hair as being short.

In truth, I just want to draw my character how I would like my hair to be (but I don’t think my hair could actually do that stuff.)

So, maybe I should draw the character with my past hair, but straight, because I don’t like my wavy frizzy hair.
Or, maybe I should just stick with the short hair and exaggerate every now and then.
But, I really think I’ll just stick with the abnormal…I don’t know…we’ll see.

I’ll have examples up soon.

GIRLS::

Cause my sister asked me the other day while we talked on the phone, “Are you dating anyone?”

Really, I could probably just spend the rest of my life talking to my sister on the phone…I’m sure we’ll never run out of things to say…especially how screwed up my life is.

I’m not really looking into dating anyone.
In fact, I’ve already come to the conclusion that I’m meant to live alone, and if those terms come true, then I can be perfectly content with that decision.

I also sometimes still feel like I should die young…that it’s meant for me. But then I wouldn’t get anything accomplished…
(I only mention that now because every time I think about a girl it’s the only time dying young comes to mind.)

Even though I’m content with those things though, I still end up teasing myself and getting fixed on certain girls. This is a curse that has haunted me all through relationships and since high school.

I’ll meet her, get fixed, and won’t stop thinking about her.
I don’t know why.
I can usually determine whether or not it will work with a girl, and I know that it only takes time and patience to make those decisions.
Yet I’ll still do it, even when I know it’s stupid and I should just wait and not worry about it.

I know I’ve only just met you.
I know you’re probably not the one for me.
And I know that I have to start thinking about other things.

Yet it’s more fun for me to dwell on the girl.

Maybe it’s the thrill.
Or the Hope.

Just the fact of thinking “Hey, I have my eye on somebody.”
Yet…there’s always somebody.

I always ends up that every girl I do this with, though, I will finally find out that she’s not the one for me…for either one reason or another.
It’s true…always happens.

And the process starts all over.
With the next object of my affection.

As long as I can keep my actions in place and not let these feelings control what I do, then I’ll be fine. I’ll think all I want.

My only problem is always letting these thoughts out on unsuspecting people such as Thomas or my sister.

Telling them it’s stupid to dwell on these women, and I’m not stupid enough to get my hopes up…I just want to pretend it’s a possibility.

I don’t know.
Girls need to figure out what they want.

And I need to figure out why it is I can’t get them out of my head.