In light of recent events, I've come to a conclusion of how I am going to live my life as of this day on.

It's not a big thing, as most of you already know that I live my life day to day with no regrets.

But it is something I hate about myself, and something I want to change in order to be a better person...
and it's mearly coincidence that this happens to be so close to New Year's.

I could wait...but I don't believe in waiting.

Throughout my life I meet many people, and a good amount have become close friends of mine.
I have those considered "lifers" that I hang out with every day, and I plan on meeting many more.

They really are good friends, those that I can talk to, and individually share something that only I can share with them and no one else.

The way I see best friends, is that they play off of each others strengths; know what the other is thinking at any moment; and a team where one can make up where the other lacks.

And in most cases with me, that is true.

But in all those cases, there is something dark that tends to come up alot as our friendships grow.

"joking around" is a term we use alot and, for the most part, there is nothing wrong with that.

The part where I have a problem with this, is how insulting it really is.

We tend to play things off, and pretend that the insults are fine because "we're friends...and we can do that."

But in all reality, that's not what friends are for.

We're not supposed to point out each others mistakes or faults. We're not supposed to call each other names. We're not supposed to stereotype those closest to us. We're not supposed to make each other feel bad about something they've done. We're not supposed to talk about each other behind their backs.
and that last one, for the most part, I try my best to keep myself as well as those around me from doing.
I never say anything to one person about someone that I am not planning on saying directly to them or won't say to their face. (...ummm...sentence weird.)

But it never fails, that when you get a group of friends together (guys more so than girls), you tend to find ways of making fun of each other.

And always the same jokes are brought up.
And always the past is used against you.
And always you come out feeling a little less self confident that you went in, whether you believe it or not.

Not only that, but when person A starts to tease person D...person B and C will find a way to jump in as well. So then it's three against one.

But we're only joking right, so no harm done, no one gets hurt because we all know that at a moments notice we will be right there to back each other up and help each other out no matter what.

There's nothing wrong with joking around. But when it gets insulting...

I for one am vowing to change that. Within myself.
That I won't treat a friend of mine the way I would treat an enemy.
That I won't say something to a friend that I don't really mean.

If you're acting like an idiot, I may call you one, but I won't just blatently tell you that you're a loser and you can't do anything right (for example.)

I don't want friends like that...

I want a wing man.
Someone who makes me stronger, lifts me up.
Someone who can make up for what I lack.
and someone where the 'jokes' are based off of experiences and not meant to hurt someone's self esteem.
Those jokes that lets other people know that we know more about each other than they can ever know. (still weird sentence.)

Don't insult me, I have people that "don't" like me for that, and from them I could care less.

But from you, I do care...

I recently watched "rebel without a cause". A movie I've wanted to watch for a long time, because I wanted to find out who James Dean was as an actor.

James Dean doesn't care what most people say about him, or what they think.

He's cool, calm, and collected...and that's rubbed off on me.

The one thing he hates, though, is when people call him chicken.

That's insulting.

It's about honor...and about pride.

When those things get attacked, you have to get up and defend yourself.

And I think, more than anything, I hate it when people call me gay. Because not only do my friends use the word...but that's what I was called by those that hated me in High School, those that just wanted to make themselves feel better.

(I didn't care if you called me "Metro," because in my mind I had replaced that word to mean 'having style.' but that's beside the point)

Stop sharing insults, start sharing experiences.

There should be a movement with that motto.
with t-shirts.
and buttons.

but that's too beauty pagent for me...too much "world peace".
So that idea is scratched.

But live by it anyway...I know I will...from this day on.

I'll try.