I want to talk about "The Art of Creating Meaningful Relationships."  Let me preface this by saying that I have not dwelled on this for a significant amount of time.  Quite possibly this will be, yet again, an unfinished thought process that could benefit from additions or subtractions to the subject matter.  This is where discussion comes into play, as well as personal opinion.  Also I have decided to use the term "art" as opposed to "formula" or "steps" - which I might very well delve into - for the reason that this is not all inclusive.  Interpretation is definitely up to the eye of the beholder, and I am by no means claiming that this is the "correct" way.  Perhaps this might become a series.  Who knows?  For now I'm only attempting to give my initial thoughts.

I've noticed in my life that it has become increasingly difficult to form long lasting, or even temporary, meaningful relationships with other people.  I believe I've figured out the issue, but I'll get to that in a second.  I've also noticed that some of my friends seem to have similar problems.  Moreso than that, I've also recognized the structure of our youth nowadays, overrun with social networks and media that create a false sense of friendship and interaction, that's resulting in more isolation than ever before.

Is this the main source of our dilemma?  Probably not.
Social networks are a very useful tool, and I embrace them wholeheartedly; they are invaluable when used properly.  However, if we fail to acknowledge the improper use of social networks and media, if used as the primary source for social interaction, then it does become a major component to the problem - that some of us do not know how to create meaningful relationships.

I grew up in small town, TX.  When I was young I owned a bicycle, and before I started wanting to travel from town-to-town, there was no need for a vehicle; bike or skateboard was the best way to get from point A to B (it might be argued that pogo-stick was also a good way to travel, but that's not my argument.)  My bike, before the internet became a household good, would get used DAILY.  After school I would take the very routine routes around the neighborhood, knocking on all the doors I knew of asking if "so-and-so" was around to hang out.  After Saturday morning cartoons I would be on the street with friends, and we all knew someone who knew someone.  I'd sit at one house and watch one friend play video games.  When he had to eat dinner I'd ride down the street and play basketball with another friend.  When it got too dark we'd meet up with another guy to watch TV.  At 9 o'clock I'd have to be home, but the next day I'd wake up and do it all over again.  Knock on the same doors.  Call the same people.  Do the same things.

When I did use the internet, at the Public Library since we didn't even have dial-up, I'd print out anime pictures to take home and try to duplicate in drawings.

Honestly, as a kid, these were very simple times, and I couldn't tell you at all what it might have amounted to in the end.  Probably nothing.  But I can tell you that I remember those people.  Every single one that I interacted with I knew on a deeper level, and it might just be that we experienced growing up together; regardless, I emphasize the "together" aspect as the reason I would consider those relationships meaningful.

Those times in life came to a close when I discovered a different type of relationship: Girlfriends.  Now, granted, I had girlfriends before, and many different times in my life, but during those times girls were someone to talk to for a couple of hours on the phone before going to bed.  To that end I probably had a different girl I would call every two weeks, at 7 p.m. on the nose, and if one girl couldn't talk I'd make the call to another (sometimes I'd go through a Father here and there, but that's off subject.)  It was almost like riding my bicycle.

Am I getting too racy here?

Anyway, my sophomore year of high school I got a new type of girlfriend.  A serious relationship.  Though it didn't change much the way I interacted with my friends during high school (we never had arguments over "you're always out with the guys" or "why can't I ever be included",) but it did effect my relationships years later after we eventually broke up.

You see, she had soothed my appetite and filled a space that, once gone, left me hungry and longing for more.  From that moment forward, anytime I would meet a girl I found attractive, I wouldn't just be friends with her, but I'd also try and place her into my life.  I'd start checking all the appropriate boxes that would make us a good fit, and when I couldn't check a box, I would still be friends with her, but I probably wouldn't pursue much of a relationship in regards to that friendship.

This is not to say that I didn't have meaningful relationships since then.  Thank God that I actually did.  But as I passed from girl-to-girl, in looking for the right companion, my grasp on social interaction slowly began to dwindle, and it wasn't until this last girlfriend that I realized I'd really gone too far.  As another friend put it to me the other day in regards to her life, "I didn't know how to be single", and my search for a companion had become so primarily focused that when I was alone I was literally by myself.

I know I'm not the only one who suffers from this, and though it's not exactly like my situation there are ways to determine whether or not you have a problem with creating meaningful relationships.  Do you find yourself going days without having interaction with any human being beyond a surface level (ie: "hey how's it goin?")?  Do you spend hours on end in front of a screen of some sort, looking for something to fill this boredom but only perpetuating it even more?  Are you constantly at your wit's end just wanting to find that person who is perfect for you?  Do you take pictures of yourself to fill facebook albums because no one else is around to take any with you? (Please tell me that last one isn't just me!!)

If any of those speak to you in anyway, then I want to give you my solution to creating meaningful relationships.

1.  Take Initiative
Just like me riding my bike every day after school throughout the neighborhood, so do we have to take the initiative to just get out and visit those people we know (however few they may be.)   You may have to knock on all the doors, or make multiple phone calls, before you actually find a person who isn't too busy to just hang out.  If one mother tells you "Sorry, Billy is grounded today because yesterday you two tried to strap fireworks to our cat," then don't let it discourage you.  Just keep on peddling to the next house, and don't forget to come back the next day to apologize to Billy and his mother.

2.  Stop Making Lame Excuses
I can't tell you the amount of times I would call someone to hang out and they were like "I can't...I've got homework to do."  This phenomenon was also a complete mystery to me because, unlike all those other boring kids, I NEVER had homework.  No, seriously, I soon realized that kids must be making this up, that I must have smelled funny or something, and that's the real reason they didn't want to hang out with me.

There was a time, that I'm slowly getting back to now, where if you EVER called and wanted to hang out, I would never turn you down.  Sure, I may have an essay that needs to be written, a short story to read for a quiz tomorrow, and even an important blog post to write for my website about the "Dangers of Dating Women Who Are Robots", but I'll still be open to getting together.  Let me put it this way:  When I look back on my life 50 years from now, I don't want to see that I spent it stressing about my GPA that lead to a useless degree.  I want to see that I lived in the moment every chance I got.

90% of the time, you are more important than anything I might have on my To-Do-List.  (That's why I have the "Do It Tomorrow" App!! [wow...product placement already?  This blog is going way too far])

Note: Financial problems also fall into this category.  Our commanders in Royal Rangers always told us boys, "Finance should never be an issue," and I now live by that.  Who cares if you don't have money? We can still hang!  I'll pay for you, and if I can't, we'll figure out something to do for free.  Ride a bike.  That's always fun.

3.  Don't Hog All The Friends
Never once did I ride my bike to one friends house and not ask him "What do you think whatshisface is up to?"; which resulted in the both of us promptly riding down the street to find the answer.  Nowadays it's all about one-on-one.  No one seems to want to keep the party growing.

"Hey what are you up to?"
"Nothing, just hanging with Billy."
"Cool, wanna call me later when you're done?"
"Sure thing, I don't like this guy anyway."
"You're telling me, his mom sucks too."

Many a time have I met up with someone for coffee or whatever, and our conversation gets cut short because they have a friend to go hang out with.  I never understand.  Can your friend not hang out with us?  Am I not allowed to hang out with you and your friend?  Am I only allotted a certain amount of time in your presence before you move on to grace someone else with it?

Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful, but sometimes I just wonder if we all can't still be hanging out now instead of sending one or another home.  If someone calls and asks you what's up, then invite them along to whatever you're doing.  If you've got plans after this that doesn't involve making out with your girlfriend, then offer to have me join in on the fun.  Maybe I'm just bitter here, but I imagine that the majority of the time there is no need to end one session just to move on to the other (we're not psychiatrists here).  You're friends can be my friends, and vice-versa, so stop hogging all the friends with your one-on-ones and let's start getting more people involved.  Besides, it's one of my pet-peeves when the two of us are hanging out and you're sittin there texting on your phone.  Just invite them if it's that important.  It's ok.

(Side Note:  If I ever call you and you're hanging out with so-and-so and it's not too terribly important, then please invite me.  I just want to be included.  I enjoy meeting new people.  Don't make me feel like I have to leave you alone.  I'm leaving this step alone though, because it's getting too big.)

4.  Never Call It
I'll make this one short.  Just because you and your friends are hanging around and you suddenly ran out of things to do, doesn't mean you have to call it a night.  There's a difference between bedtime and boredom.  Sure, you may have run out of ideas, but who cares?  You can be bored together.  Talk about something.  Have some conversation.  Do a staring contest.  Have a power nap competition.  I don't know about you, but I'm tired of people calling things too early.  I don't need to be doing anything significant just to spend time with you.  If the question of hanging out comes down to "Well what are we gonna do?" Then the answer is that they really just don't want to hang out with you.

You shouldn't need a reason.  Just hang.

5.  When You Are Alone, Prioritize
Every so often you will find yourself having gone through all these steps, and still find yourself with no one to hang out with.  It's at these moments that you can pat yourself on the back because "At least you made an effort."  So when everyone is too busy doing homework, hanging out with someone else, or taking naps because they're the most boring people ever, then this is the time for you to actually catch up on what you need to do.

That homework you put off?  Check.
That blog you've been meaning to write?  Check.
That project you need to take care of?  Motivation first...then check.
TV?  Grocery Shopping?  Paying Bills?  Check it all.

This is the time for you to prioritize and get caught up, and then you'll have plenty of time to hang out later.  If you use this time wisely, you'll never find yourself making lame excuses when someone does come knocking at your door.

It's amazing what meaningful relationships you can create, and along with that some wonderful memories.   Those steps, if I put it to the test in every moment in the past where I have my fondest of memories, I notice are present in some form or another.  So take a moment to ask yourself if there's something you can work on, this Art of Creating Meaningful Relationships, to improve your social interaction.  Don't worry about the past or future, and just live in the moment, and you'll be surprised what comes of it.  I know I didn't tackle the whole "don't know how to be single" issue, but that's why this is an ongoing conversation, and quite possibly something to build on.

What do you think?

Is there anything I left out?

Click here for part one.five, where I provide an example of this being put to use.