Let me start off by reassuring you that this blog won't just be about lonliness...

...re...assure...

...you...

that...

dotdotdot's don't work well outside of conversation.

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"It's kinda ironic." I tell myself as I drive in my car this morning to the local Barnes and Noble. I'm listening to The Mix Tape; a playlist that I made a long while back full of songs dedicated to
heartbreak and broken relationships.

That's the only music I listened to today...because I felt like it was just going to be one of those days.

I guess it started out the night before when I got seriously pissed off at one of my good friend. He has since apologized.

It wasn't anything he did.
He just reiterated a joke.
About how I walked into his choir concert with two girls.

...

Apparently that was 'the joke' backstage.
And frankly...I was just sick of it.

He didn't understand...and it pissed me off.

I guess I'm just destined to be a joke to people.
Both to guys and girls alike.
Destined to be a joke to everyone I meet from here on out...

It's my own fault.
and it's ironic.
How all of the songs on this playlist are actually my favorite songs.
Before I knew the meaning behind them,
and before I felt exactly what they were saying.

When I first picked up the album by any of these artists, I was grabbed by those songs in particular...it's funny how they all happened to speak about similar things.

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My phone hasn't had a background since I took danielle off of it a long time ago.

It just remains white.
Empty...

Cause I have no one to call and no one calls me...so it shall remain the same.

Even though I tell myself I can handle being alone...and I shouldn't worry about stupid things like girls...I still can't help missing that feeling.

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I studied up on Anatomy for the Artist today.

Just sat in the book store for 2+ hours reading it.
Never picked up a pencil or scketchpad.
Just read it...and studied the pictures.

I just can't bring myself to face dissapointment again.

I'm stuck with the decision of whether or not I want to pay possibly 120 dollars a month for 2 years to do a home course that will teach me how to draw.
The question is this: Do I need it?

Cause I can teach myself...but something tells me that a course wouldn't hurt...and it does seem kinda cheap...and useful.

I have an interview tomorrow with a representative. I hope I don't end up making a mistake on either end.

Recently I've just been so caught up in drawing, church, or just thinking about my life that I haven't talked to people in a month or so.

I just don't keep in touch with anyone.
I just don't have anything to say.

I guess it's cause I'm not happy.

I'm content!

Just not happy.

I need progression...I need to see it.
In my art.
In my music.
In my life.

Sometimes I just tell myself: "If only I had a cute girl to talk to that just makes me happy."

My sister doesn't count.

I need someone who understands...but then again I don't want to just lay all my problems on someone.

I'm so Emo.
So scene.
I hate it.

Why do I feel the need to write this stuff down?
Do I really want people to read this crap?
Am I really updating people on my life at all?!

No...not really.
I'm just getting out the frustration.
and showing revelation.

About how Ironic some things can be...and how the realization comes to me that my phone has been blank for way too long.

ugh...and no one seems to be interested...not in this...not in me...
and certaintly not impressed.

I'm tired of trying to do stuff with my life...I just want to sleep.
Just want to lay down and be a bum.
and not get up unless food is involved.

There's a bible around here somewhere that I haven't opened for a long...long time. I don't think it'll really help...but isn't it ironic?