I think there's something wrong with me.

No. Scratch that.
I know that there's something wrong with me.

Lately I feel uninspired, and it takes a good amount of coercing to just get myself out of bed in the morning. Every day goes by without so much as an attempt to do something productive. I still have yet to touch a screenplay, which I promised myself I would write, and getting the motivation to progress on smaller - simpler - projects isn't any easier. I find that I'm more irritable lately, and it's a change my co-workers have definitely taken notice of.

To be honest, though, I couldn't care less. Over here it's the same mundane tasks day in and day out. The people here, though most of the time fun to work with, are far from what I'd call good friends. I mean, they are good people - and some of them have even inquired about what's bothering me (though probably just because they feel obligated) - to which I can't give them a straight answer because, well frankly, I don't know what it is that's been bothering me.

I guess the time here has definitely taken it's toll, and with the situation having turned out the way it has, it doesn't look like things are going to be moving up anytime soon. I'd like to say that I didn't see this coming, but truthfully I kind of anticipated it. Actually, I'm pretty sure I directed it.

You see, life is a lot less...full...to me nowadays; especially when I don't have that special person to talk to or confide in. I find myself having spouts of enthusiasm or revelations at times, but without anyone to tell I just tend to bottle it up inside. That's assuredly the wrong remedy, and I should probably at least be sharing it here in an attempt to get it out, but I guess I just don't see the point. It feels like I'm being really self-aware right now, to the point to where it's selfish of me to see the problem and not even make an effort to change it. Yet, I don't believe it can be quite so easy for me. I think this is just a part of who I am. My mechanical make-up, if you will.

Trying to understand why it is I always need to be in some sort of relationship, in order to be happy, is like trying to figure out why God made the Platypus. In fact, I already know that I don't need a girl in order to be happy, but no matter how hard I could try I don't think I could possibly shake that aspect of myself. Soon it'll come to a point where I won't even know if it's intentional, or just the way I was built. I'm sure it'll be a mixture of both, actually, considering I'm usually stubborn in such ways. I wonder if that's egotistical in any way, to be self-aware and yet continue like there's nothing you can do about it.

No. It's just sad, and unfortunately I don't think it'll ever change, because I know that no matter how much I try and deny it, the only thing that will make me truly happy will be that oh-so-special someone. In retrospect, I think it has something to do with being incomplete, because I faithfully believe that she...whoever she is...is actually my other half, and I can never be my absolute self without having her near or in my life. That's the true meaning of Love. Finding that one person that God made to fill the spaces, to complete the circle.

She is the half that I'm not.
She has a rib from my body.
I am no one without her.
And, I hope, she is nothing without me.

I'll find her, wherever she is, and whether I know her or not.
And when I do, I will forever declare, that she is my Eve.

...Perhaps I need Jesus.
or maybe just a hug...really...really...badly.

Edit:

I found this picture after I already wrote this. No joke. Click to enlarge.