INTRODUCTION::

In the first part of this series I talked about Relationships. The thing about that particular subject, is I could probably write an entire book based on those experiences, so in order to keep from doing that I was left with incomplete thoughts and insufficient rambling. I would also have liked to cover more friendships than just the usual dating relationships, but there was hardly any room to include that. Nevertheless, I feel like I covered all the major components and I feel confident in moving onto the next subject.

For those just now joining me – I am attempting to reflect on the past four years of my life (basically my entire Military career) and see if I can discover the difference from who I was before to who I am now. It's a chance for me to see how much, if any, I've grown in the past four year, and it's also a chance to remember all the experiences I've been through since I graduated high school. I am on the verge of starting a new chapter in my life, when I exit the military 5 months from now, and I feel like I've come a long way. I know things have changed, but who am I today? We'll just have to wait and see.

Today I'm going to look at the multiple goals I've aspired to within the past four years. Most of this is career-wise, and I am a little more concrete on the details than I was on relationships, so this shouldn't be as convoluted as the last one. To cut to the chase, this will include my current plans to go to the University of Texas in Austin to study theatre arts once I am done with the Navy. So if you're wondering how I came to that final decision and ultimate path for my life, then this is the place to start.

GOALS::

Four years ago, when I graduated high school, I can tell you without hesitation that I had no clue WHATSOEVER what I wanted to do with my life. Up until that point, my biggest aspiration had been music, and even had a semi-successful run with an acoustic project (RadioFlyer Basic) with my best friend Fred. At that point I knew I was made for the stage, and figured that no matter where life took me I would have the opportunity someday to realize that dream. Unfortunately, since I had no plans for college, I had already signed up for the military. In fact, some of you may not know that one reason I joined the Navy was because I was so lazy – I didn't want to fill out college/scholarship applications or essays. I never even tried. It just wasn't on my mind.

So I graduated, having already signed the papers 5 months earlier, not having a clue where life would take me. I'm not sure if it's arrogant to add this, but one tidbit I'd like to share happened during graduation. When I walked to get my diploma I celebrated, as most seniors tend to do, by turning to face my fellow classmates, taking off my cap, and taking a bow. Particularly, I am proud of this moment, but more so because of what I found out later.

A good friend of mine came up to me once the ceremony was over and told me something that has stuck with me since that day. She said that her dad had seen me walk, and when she went up to him afterwards he had told her, "You need to stay friends with that kid; because, one day, he's going to be famous."

…but we'll come back to this.

Summer came and went, a specific time that saw me participating with my church youth group a lot more. In fact, after youth camp that year, I had been given the job as the head media specialist for the youth group. After working on videos for youth camp, Vacation Bible School, and even doing graphics for the church and our annual dinner theatre, I believed I found something that I may have wanted to do the rest of my life. Graphic design, with it's art characteristics, had interested me within the past year, and I had always loved editing videos (my senior year being the first chance I got to do so – churning out three different projects within a few months time.) Not to mention, I always imagined that wherever I go, whatever I do, I would be working with Youth all my life. It's just something I was passionate about, and an area that I believed deserved the most attention in the church, so everything just seemed to combine together to work out that way.

It was a passion, and I stuck with it. Weeks before going into bootcamp, I went to visit an old teach of mine Mr. Deitch, and I told him what I thought my plans would be. I'll go through the military, and I'll wait for opportunities (which back then meant I'd wait for a band to come along so I can become famous). While I wait, just in case, I would get a teachers degree on the side, maybe something with art or music. It just seemed natural, since I was focused on working with youth, I would like to be with them when I could, and also have the same free time as them so I could work at church as well. Art was just something I was into, even though I have never taken an art class in my life, and I figured it would be easy to do.

However, those plans changed quickly. I can't remember when – probably sometime during bootcamp or after – but I decided I would focus on music and my singing instead, and I would put off college till after my military career. If I wasn't in a band working my way up by that point, then I would go to college.

Unfortunately, work in the military left little room to pursue those dreams; at least, not in the form I would've liked.

In the summer of 2006 I had gotten a chance to audition with an independent theater group called simply "For the Love of Theater." I had found out about them through my stepsisters, who knew some members through their dance classes. In fact, it was hardly an independent theater group as much as it was just a handful of friends who wanted to put on a show. Still, color me interested.

Urinetown had been a great experience for me. My first real musical (no offense to Blast From the Past) and a chance to make some really good friends. Not only that, but having the opportunity to be on stage again was invigorating, and from that moment on I determined that this was definitely where I wanted to end up in my life.

After a year in the military though, I still had little opportunity to find any legitimate work as a singer for a band. I doubt I was really working that hard, but that's besides the point. So when the opportunity came to me to try my hand at a web design degree at a local college, I decided to give it a try.

…I quit after the first month.

After that point, I decided that college wasn't for me, and never would be. I wanted to do music, and thanks to my friends in Virginia I was witnessing more and more musical productions, and the thought started to form in my mind to include acting in this as well. Yet college wasn't an option, and so I would have to find some other way to make it.

It was around that time that a certain concept was introduced to me. A title in the form of the phrase: Legend in your own lunchtime. The concept was simple, of becoming famous within a certain group of people when you do something so spectacular that everyone remembers it. Yet, for those who come before or after you, the thought of it is nothing more than legend. Those who weren't around you don't know all the facts, and so you don't become famous or even infamous throughout time, just within that specific moment, in the minds of those who witnessed it.

I basically just butchered the meaning, but it was something that I had decided I wanted to become. That's about the time I had a vision of a traveling theatre, during a sermon at church. A traveling theatre that gathers all forms of media and art that I see fit, but all based around a common message of God. Some of you may remember this tentative group being called Priests and Kings, but this is something I actually want to delve into during the last part of this series. For now, just know that this was always on the back of my mind throughout the next 2 and a half years, and would develop into more and more in the time to come.

When I wasn't having delusions of grandeur I was still busy pursuing a music career that was non-existent. I even coerced my best friend to move to Virginia so we could struggle down that path together, but even then we never found the time to collaborate on projects.

I suppose the next year or so would find me delving into multiple things. Drawing and art had taken it's place as a hobby and for side projects. I figured it would be the one thing that I would always have to myself. After all, it always gave me enough headaches as it was. Therefore, any type of design was really something I wasn't interested anymore. Working for clients never was my type of thing, so I gave up on that front.

Writing was another of those things that I was taking semi-seriously, but the majority of it I do in my spare time. This would begin to take a large precedence for the next year. Working on non serious stories and things that would never see beyond a certain point, at least not in the incarnation that I was producing it.

When I got a mac computer, I bought with it a piano keyboard that, for a short amount of time, allowed me to delve into more music. This, along with some video editing, would get me back into those smaller passions that I had missed and wanted to become a big part of my life. I knew it would take a lot of work, but I was willing to try because I found so much joy in it.

So it was these various small things that I would delve in. I guess it was just me taking it slow; biding my time until I had some clear direction on my life.

In the meantime, I seemed to be getting more and more interested in film. Growing up in a small town I had always been interested in movies. After all, when you're not into partying or going to clubs, there's not much else to do on the weekend but to see a good movie – when I had the money. I actually didn't realize how into films I was until bootcamp, and only then in hindsight. When given the chance by our Recruit Commander to find out about what was going on in the outside world, most people asked about sports and other things like that, my only question was what movies were coming out.

This coming from the guy who used to have to ask his girlfriend months prior, "So what movie was that guy in before?"

Soon, not only was I just watching films and building a DVD collection, but I also found myself following certain actors or actresses. Not in the tabloids, but paying attention to their careers and upcoming projects. This was made easy when I began to stumble upon some movie news websites. I suddenly became really interested in the career, and even though I had considered acting in the past, I don't think I actually took it seriously until around this point.

I began to pick up magazines, reading interviews on some of my favorite actors, and learning about how they got there and who they were. Some of these people lead some truly extraordinary lives, and their time onscreen is simply amazing. I'm sure I don't have to tell any of you that. After all, you're just normal, and would do anything to be in their shoes, right?

Ok…just kidding. I have the best of friends.

Anyway, to explain why I began to seriously consider becoming an actor in film, we have to go back to the Priests and Kings traveling theatre. As it has slowly been expanding in my mind ever since it was first conceived, I began to realize that something like this would require a lot of funding; a lot of which I planned on doing out of my own pocket. When I realized this, it became clear that "becoming famous" would have to be a reality for any of my other goals to take place. I use those words wisely, not selfishly, because to be honest – no matter what I was doing – I've always had someone somewhere telling me that someday I would do something big with my life.

Graduation being one of those times.

Some of you may think that this has gone to my head a little, but I assure you I still have some wits about me. For the most part I want to make those people proud of me, because I believe them, but I also don't want to screw up in the process and make them regret their own predictions saying, "What a douchebag."

Fame, I've come to learn from life – an obvious effort by God to help me come to these conclusions by having me join the military first – is not about the glory or the riches. For me, it's not about being famous anymore, or being the center of attention – in the spotlight – as it had been for me when I was growing up. Sure, having lots of money, material items, and opportunities are great benefits of being famous. But it's not all about that.

It's what you do with that fame that really matters.

I say this now and you may not believe me…but believe me.

What I want to do with the fame I could gather is huge, as long as I do it correctly, which is exactly why I believe God took his time in bringing me down this road. Having been able to experience life first, in order to develop my character and to find out who I am and what I'm passionate about, has given me the chance to learn about what matters most. I've made mistakes, and I've learned from them. I've struggled through life, and I understand how to be responsible and prioritize. All these things matter, in one way or another, and without these experiences I'm sure I would have been the same egotistical and hypocritical kid I was back in High School. Believe me, that Mattias is a douchebag, and I try and stay away from him as much as possible.

Anyway, as you can see, acting was something I was beginning to take very seriously. About the time I learned I would be deployed to Iraq, I realized that I was now in a phase that would not allow me many opportunities for the future until this deployment was over. By that time, I would be on the verge of getting out of the military, and so I had to make a decision.

I reverted back to the promise I made myself many years ago, when I said that "If I get out of the military and I still haven't gotten an opportunity to make something of myself, then I'll pursue college." When I first said that, I had no idea what I would want to go to college for, much less where, but now I could make a decision, and that decision was theatre arts and film. If you wonder why I hadn't thought of this before, you have to realize: Up to this point I had never actually taken any drama courses. Acting when I was growing up consisted of church dramas and some school productions, but never once did I actually tell myself it was acting. When I did this, more or less, it was about being the center of attention. When it came to playing Jesus, it would be about spreading a message. I never really thought about it as acting, it was just something I was obligated to do.

In fact, it wasn't until my sophomore year that I found out I could act, while rehearsing for a scene for Blast From the Past. When I was told this, I was actually surprised, because to me it was just playing a character and it came so easily. That's when acting suddenly became a conscious effort for me, in that I began to pay attention to what it was I was doing. I would have very rare chances to build on that experience, but it was at that moment that the passion flared up within me.

So I'm researching the trade and the industry by watching performances, reading magazines, and catching up on news. I had decided to study Theatre Arts, but I also had to figure out where. My first two choices, obviously, would have been New York or California, and I believe I would've settled on the latter if fate hadn't struck. Actually, fate had a name, one that you already know, and her name was Andrea Beth.

Andrea and me had struck up a relationship while most of these thoughts were starting to form, and as our relationship grew, so did these dreams. It was her that began to talk of Austin, and of how much she loved the city and wanted desperately to go to the University of Texas. At that point, I didn't think much of it, still assuming I would move to California within two years time, but as our relationship strained (as you already know) so did I realize that this long distance thing didn't suit us. That's when I started to consider Texas for school, mostly so that we could be closer together, but also because I knew of this act that would allow Texas to pay for my schooling because I signed up for the military in that state. Austin seemed logical, considering it was a state university and I wasn't sure how limited this act was. This was my initial thinking.

It was soon afterwards that I kept hearing from friends about how "cool" and "awesome" Austin was. It began to peak my interest, and even my brother and sister would be going to school near there. I guess I had never really thought about Austin in the past, but I suddenly began to wonder just what it was that caused these people to praise it so.

A year ago, when I was on leave, I would hear Austin come up more and more in conversation. After a rough patch with Andrea, I knew that I couldn't just make a decision to go to school just because of her, so I had to be sure. Still, it just kept popping up, more so within a few months than it had my entire life before. I felt it was God telling me something, as us Christians usually tend to do sometimes, and as soon as I got the chance, I decided to make a trip there myself.

I grabbed Fred Wamback, and we took a roadtrip – with some specific goals in mind, but more so just because we wanted to visit this town. Him, because he had always loved it, and me because I wanted to see if this was really the place I could see myself going to school.

Man. Was I ever blown away.

Austin was just like everyone had said it was, and I noticed it – somehow – from the very moment we drove in. A college town, beautiful landscape, plenty to do, and just an overall sense of liveliness and artistry. I felt at home instantly. "Here," I told myself, "is where I want to start my life."

Fred once said to me that "Austin is the next Hollywood." And I know how ambitious that may sound, but to be honest…I believe him.

So for the past year I have been living with this decision. Going to Austin to study theatre arts, where I'll pay for school with my GI Bill or with Texas' Money (hehe), I'll head down the path of a struggling actor trying to make it big. To be quite honest, I feel like that all roads are pointing this direction, and unless something comes along that tells me otherwise, this is the decision that I am sticking with. In fact, I still hear about Austin more than I ever used to, in conversations or just random news. It just keeps popping up, and it's been getting me excited and confident that this is the place for me. To prepare I have been studying for my SATs (which I never took) and I have even been working on another project that I want to see come to fruition someday (a screenplay) but that's a story for another day.

Right now, all I have to do is wait, because a week and a half from now I'll be back in the states, and 5 months later I'll be out of the Military, packing my things, and heading to the capital of Texas. Not only that, but I plan on bringing my mom with me.

As you can see, or maybe not, I've come a long way from not knowing what I want to do with my life. I believe if it hadn't been for my poor eyesight and color blindness, I might quite possibly be training to become a pilot for the Navy, but a military career never would've suited me. I knew that from the very beginning.

If you ask me where I see myself 5 years from now; honestly, I couldn't tell ya. Beyond my traveling theater that I will see come to fruition someday no matter what, there is no back up plan. I just don't think about such things. Right now I'm only worried about the next step, and that one I'm hoping will get my foot inside the door (if not, I hope that I'll be close enough and knocking.) I sure hope it's acting/filmmaking, because if it isn't then I'll have a lot of re-evaluating to do, but until then…here's hoping.