^click the title

So there’s this new website, called dear-god.net.
I think it’s a great, innovative idea, much like postsecret.com before it. I figure, that no matter what kind of religious person you are, anyone will be able to find hope using an outlet such as this.

It may be a little heartbreaking…the fact that we are compromising our private time with God (or whoever), that we are going to a website now to talk to him, instead of him directly…something about that is a little sad. Yet, to know what others think about and pray about…to know what others are going through…it’s a tad bit hopeful…that you are not alone in the world…and that deserves some sort of recognition.

Though, I would hope that people don’t use this as an alternative for the real thing…the real praise…or the real worship. That kind of intimacy is something that cannot be replaced…cannot be re-imagined.

…but if it get’s people talking to God…then who are we to complain.
In fact, before I found this website this morning, I wanted to share something with you. It’s along the same lines, but really it’s not. Just similar.
I guess you could say I’m “reaching out” to you.
Yes…you…whoever you are.

I need your help.
If you believe in a God, in something, then I ask you to pray.

Pray for my confusion.
My total lack of understanding, about what his plans are for my future with Andrea.
Pray that this 7 month long distance relationship doesn’t kick us both in the rear ends, and that I don’t get so lost that I make a decision that I will regret for the rest of my life.

We’re taking a weekend off, just giving each other some much needed room; because we can’t seem to talk without hurting each other with our frustrations. Everything is not going well, and it’s taking a lot just to push forward with the hope that God will bring us together in the end…happier.

Do I really believe that?
I don’t know.
I’m lost.

and I think she’s afraid.
She’s young, and hasn’t grown up yet into an adult…doesn’t fully realize what it is she’s searching for. I probably shouldn’t be stating all this here, but I know that she’s worried about her future. She hasn’t yet found those passions that God has given her, and hasn’t gotten a hold of who she really is.

But she knows that there’s something. That God is out there wanting to know her, and she’s passionate about knowing him and serving him…just…she doesn’t know how to do it.

Mostly, she’s afraid of allowing me, or anyone, help her find out who she really is…she’s afraid to let me take care of her…

Where do you begin with a girl who has tried to do everything on her own? Tried to figure everything out by herself?

How do you convince her that she doesn’t have to do it…life…all alone?

God, please tell me what to do!
All this frustration has gotten me confused, has left me doubting my own decisions and my own life. I’m not right! I’m losing confidence in who I really am, and if this is what God really has planned for me!

People want to be close to me.
My mom wants to be close to me.
God wants to be close to me.

But I don’t want anything but to be close to HER…to be happy with HER. I can’t talk to you, I can’t update you, reply to you, call you or hang out with you, because I want SO MUCH to give her the very best…to make her smile…that when I’m not…
when I’m hurting her…
or upsetting her…

then I’m hurting too.

And I’m lost.
I just want her to find what gives her true happiness.
I want to know what God has in store for me.

I take my time from doing the blogs…the newsletters…anything that would make you assume that I’m doing just fine…that I’ll get through this; because in reality I’m NOT. I can’t find the words to tell people I’m alright, and I can’t find the hope I used to have in life. So please…please!

This is me calling out…reaching out to you…person…God…whoever!
I miss you…I need you.
It’s just…I want her…I want her to be happy and I want her to be passionate about her own life…I want her to understand that she’s not alone and she will be able to make it…I want her to know that she’s gifted and talented and has so much going for her. She’s God’s perfect creation, as long as she is doing what God created her to do…I want her to find that.

Please do this for me…and I can come back to you…please help me…and I will be there for you…always.

I want to give you the best…
but she means the world to me…and when she falls apart…so does my world.
Right now, she is my reason to fight…to keep going…and if I lose her I want to know I gave it the best I could.
Please…save my world.