It's been a really rough week for me.  If I were to try and fill you in it would require me to go into some deep details that I am actually not at liberty to disclose.  Out of respect to a single person that I care oh-so-very-much about, I'm going to leave these major things a secret.  However I will disclose that I had to say goodbye to that very same person at the beginning of this week, and it was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do.  In my entire life, I've never experienced anything like it.  Most of my relationships, whether good or bad, usually ended against my will, and mostly on a sour note.  So to actually make a mutual decision, that both of us probably knew was coming, to say goodbye to one another without remorse, was very surreal to me.  It's not saying that goodbye is forever, but to treat it as such, and as simple as it was...I found it strangely peaceful.

I will never forget that moment for the rest of my life, because it was a moment where I finally stopped trying to take control, and I made a decision to let go.

As a result of that, and that's not to say that everything is inextricably tied here, more so that it is what set this mode of thinking into motion, I have been witnessing the work that God started in me this past summer take an interesting step forward.

My faith has been greatly challenged.  That is to say that everything I've been wrestling with God on has been causing some major changes - hopefully improvements - in who I am becoming.

It's no secret that almost anytime I believe I have something figured out God proves me wrong; or, at least, he shows me how I shouldn't be trying to figure it out in the first place.  This is definitely the case when it comes to me letting go of certain things this week; however, I also feel like that everything I used to think I knew about God is being put to the test.  Here I'm in the unique position where I feel like I've made major progress in one area, yet in others I'm being brought back to square one.

One piece of scripture that came to my attention recently and that has been playing over and over in my head is this:

When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God.  For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified.  I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling.  My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power. - 1 Corinthians 2:1-5

This is Paul, speaking to the church of Corinth in one of the first of many letters we see from the apostle, the guy who we attribute a major chunk of the New Testament Bible.  Granted, the differences between me and Paul are staggering, but I can't help but feel the same as he does there.  My faith, or what I thought I knew, is being slowly dwindled down to the only thing I SHOULD know, and that is the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and his message.

Love.

As always, I won't claim that this is a new concept for me, but at the very same time I suppose I'm humble enough to admit that I had forgotten.  For years I've been trying to figure out God's plan, been trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together and to understand why or how certain things happen.  For years I have been struggling with understand the complexity of God, discovering new things both beautiful and tragic - due to the fact that those discoveries of mine either hit it or they don't.  Regardless, for all these years I have done absolutely nothing in order to further the Kingdom of Heaven here on Earth.

Well, I won't say absolutely nothing, because I know God has used me in many ways; yet at the same time I've been so caught up in my own selfish ambitions that I lost focus on the things he wanted me to remain fixed on.

So this week I've been driven back to the basics.  I'm claiming to know absolutely nothing except for the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and even that I plan on revisiting in order to rediscover it.  This isn't to say that I've been wrong about everything in the past, but more of an acknowledgment (due to some harsh lessons) that I have a lot more to learn.  However, no matter how much I strive to know or desire to find, none of it will matter when compared to the only thing I need to know.

The most important lesson I've learned is to live more in the moment.  This is also something I forgot, and have spoken on before, but still comes back to get me day-after-day.  This is actually a fault of which I'm quite ashamed, because I used to pride myself in being in the moment.  "Learn from the past, live in the present, remember the future" used to be an unofficial motto of mine.  Yet I've been so caught up in all the wrong things that I've missed out on many an opportunity for God to really use me.  I have not been using my gifts or talents to really do anything of worth, and I definitely have not been using my fundamental knowledge of Christ to put his message into action; which, at the very least, I should be doing if I even claim to be a follower.

Among other things that I want to change about my life, this idea of living in the moment has got to be the most important.  That said, I'm going to leave you with this video, of which I felt helped spur this inspiration and spoke more to me recently than any sermon ever has my entire life.  It's not a full representation of this blog, of which I didn't know what I'd be setting out to write when I sat down, only that I had to, but it does speak volumes into the major aspects of what's going on in me - the work that God started.  I hope it can speak to you in the same way.

[vimeo 15715921 w=500 h=281]

BE HERE NOW from blaine hogan on Vimeo.