I received a note tonight from [a girl] when I got home.  It was waiting at my doorstep on top of a box full of some of my things.  The note said:

Here are your things.  Thanks for writing a book filled with all of my faults.  It was very heartwarming.  Have a great life.

In an instant, all the anger I've felt, all the times I ever wanted to be right, the entire perspective I thought I had on things - it all left my consciousness for good - and it was replaced by a very deep sorrow.

Not for me.  Not for us.  Not for her.

I felt ashamed.

The fact that I had made someone else, another human being, feel the way that I made her feel...it practically tore me apart.

I realized then, how screwed up I really am, and that I am an asshole.

I wish I could take it all back.
I wish I could fix the past.
I wish I hadn't been me.

But I was me.
And I am me.
Now...I'm determined to change me.

Honestly, the one thing that surprised me tonight was that I didn't feel any pain.  I wasn't heartbroken.  I didn't beat myself up, and I wasn't hurt.

I was fine.

It was almost as if everything was empty.  It was done.  There was nothing I could do.  It was out of my hands.

So I was able to let it go.

I'm moving on.  I'll change my ways.  My life, with God's help, will never be the same.  It's all I wanted.  This is what I needed.  I'm o.k.  I'll be ok.

But there is one last things that I need to say...

I'm sorry.